WWE does Ferris Bueller's Day Off
by Hiei's Firefly
Summary: Title says it all.
1. Chapter 1

_Ok so I finally started to work on this thing. I anyone was waiting for it sorry. Well I don't own anything, that is a shame. I could have so much fun if I did. This was requested._

_FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF--For Susan(wwerko) _

Chapter 1

Everyone was back in the room they were in when they did the last play.

Hunter: Wonder what we are doing now.

Shawn: Most likely another play.

Firefly: Yes, you are.

A few people jumped. They didn't see her come in. They looked at her and noticed she had on a long black skirt that almost looked like a gypses and black high heels with a tight black shirt that showed her stomache a little.

Jeff: New look?

Firefly: Yes. I really like black. Well I like dark colors.

Shawn: What play are we doing?

Firefly: Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Randy: I liked that movie. It was funny.

Firefly: Did everyone find a script?

Everyone nods.

Firefly: Ok then. Now this play has a lot of parts. Only the main ones will get cast right now. Just when in it that we come to a part that I didn't cast, if I tell you to get on stage please just do it. Ok?

Everyone nods again.

Firefly: Ok. Shawn will play Ferris. Randy will play Cameron. Lita will play Sloane. Oh make sure you put your names on so you remember.

The three do as they were told.

Hunter: Are you ok? You seem a little bit stiff.

Firefly: Just trying to get this done. I'm not feeling to good. If I seem a little stiff or short with you all sorry.

Steve: That ok. We were just wondering.

Firefly: Vince will play Edward Rooney. Ric will play the Dad. Linda will play the Mom. Hornswoggle will play Todd. Kelly Kelly will play Kimberly. Mickie James will play Jeanie. CM Punk will play Garth Volbeck. Steve will play cameron's father. Victoria will play Mrs. Froeling. That is it for now.

Shawn: So we start tomorrow right?

Firefly: Yes we will.

Hunter: This should be fun.

Firefly: (smiles) See you all later.

She leaves as does everyone else.

_That is it for now. Sorry all but I'm really now feeling to good right now. Well at least I started it. Again sorry for the wait. R/R. Bye Bye._


	2. Chapter 2

_Ok so after a long while I am updating. I don't own anything._

**Chapter 2**

Firefly: Ok everyone. Are we ready to get started?

Everyone: Yeah.

**IT'S SILENT. A BEAT...AND AN EXPLOSION OF SOUND. A HOUSEHOLD IN THE MORNING. KIDS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL. CLOCK RADIOS. KITCHEN APPLIANCES. SHOWERS. FIGHTING. PEOPLE YELLING. DOG BARKING. APPLIANCES BUZZING. CAR HORNS. IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE YOUR HOUSE DID. STREAMS OF ROCK'N ROLL FADE IN AND OUT. HUEY LEWIS TO LIONEL RITCHIE TO HUSKER DU. SURROUND MAKES IT FEEL LIKE YOU'RE IN THE ROOM. AN AURAL TOUR OF A HOUSE ON A SCHOOL MORNING. BEGINING IN THE KITCHEN AND MOVING UPSTAIRS. **

**FATHER'S VOICE (Ric)**:Where's my wallet?!

**SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY (Hornswoggle)**:YouIdiot!!

**TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL (Kelly Kelly)**:Mom!

**Hornswoggle**:Shut-Up!

**EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL (Mickie James)**:I NEED A TOWEL!!

**Ric: **Linda!

**Kelly Kelly: **(whispers, sadistic) When you turn ten, your head's going to swell up real big like a watermelon and we're going to have to put you to sleep like they do with a dog.

**Hornswoggle: **MOM!

**Ric: **Linda!!

**Mickie James: **WHO PISSED ON THE TOILET SEAT!? MOTHER!!

**Ric: **Where's Mom?

**Hornswoggle: **Is my head going to swell up?

**Ric: **What?!

**Mickie:** OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!

**MOTHER (Linda): **(screams) **Ric! **

The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP.

**Hornswoggle: **What's that?

**Kelly: **Wait! Hold still!

**Hornswoggle: **What?!

**Kelly: **You heads starting to swell up!!

Hunter: You know something?

Firefly: What?

Hunter: This is really weird.

Firefly: Thats the point.

Hornswoggle screams. We hear the sound of Ric's footsteps running through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the hallway. A door open.

**Ric: **(breathless) What's the matter?

**Linda: **(worried) It's Shawn!

**Ric: **What's wrong?

**Linda: **(snaps) What's wrong? For Christ's sake! Look at him!

An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA. His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side.

Hunter: Nice look Shawn!

Shawn: Shut up!

Shawns' parents, Ric and Linda Michaels are standing at bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties. Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed for work.

**Ric: **Shawn?

**Linda: **He doesn't have a fever. But he says his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots.

His lifeless eyes blink.

Ric bends down and touches Shawns' forehead.

**Ric: **What's the matter, Shawn?

**Linda: **Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy.

Ric takes one of Shawns' hands.

**Ric: **(discreetly) Should you call the doctor?

**Linda: **(whispers) He doesn't want me to.

**Ric: **Why don't you want Mom to call the doctor?

Shawn exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can manage is a choked gasp.

**Ric: **What?

Shawn tries again.

**Shawn: **(raspy) Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up.

He starts to get up. Linda gently pushes him back down.

**Shawn: **I have a test today. I have to take it. I want to get into a good college so I can have a fruitful life...

Hunter: And if you believe that he'll tell you another one.

Firefly: Your having fun with this aren't you?

Hunter: Yep.

**Linda: **You're not going to school like this. (to Ric) Maybe I should call the office and tell them I won't be in.

**Shawn: **I'm okay, Mom. I feel perfectly...Oh, God!

He's gripped by a seizure. His body stiffens and he chokes. His older sister, Mickie, walks into the room. She's dressed for school. She's cute and stuck-up. A major pill.

**Mickie: **Oh, fine. What's this? What's his problem?

**Linda: **He doesn't feel well.

**Mickie: **Yeah, right. Dry that one out and you can fertilize the lawn.

**Ric: **That's enough, Mickie.

**Mickie: **You're not falling for this, are you? Tell me you're not falling for this.

**Shawn: **Is that Mickie? I can't see that far. Mickie?

**Mickie: **Pucker up and squat, Shawn.

**Linda: **(annoyed) Thank you, Mickie. Get to school.

**Mickie: **(angry, defeated) You're really letting him stay home? I can't believe this. If I was bleeding out my eyes, you guys'd make me go to school. It's so unfair.

**Shawn: **Please don't be upset with me, Mickie. Be thankful that you're fit and have your health. Cherish it.

**Mickie: **(to herself) Oh, I wanna puke.

She glares at Shawn. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. She slips out of the room. Shawns' brother, Hornswoggle and sister, Kelly Kelly peek into the room.

**Kelly: **Myocardial infarction?

**Linda: **Get your stuff. Daddy'll be right down.

**Kelly: **Syphilitic meningitus? That would be a huge family embarrassment.

**Ric: **Get downstairs!

**Kelly: **If he dies, I got dibs on his stereo.

She turns sharply and exits.

**Hornswoggle: **(worried) Dad? Does my head look alright?

**Linda: **Get downstairs! Now!

**Hornswoggle: **Just answer me one question! Is it swelling up? Kelly said it was going to get as big as...

**Kelly: **(OC) A WATERMELON!

**Hornswoggle: **(yells out the room) Shut-up!

**Linda: **Get downstairs! NOW!

Hornswoggle backs out of the room.

**Shawn: **I'll be okay. I'll just sleep. Maybe I'll have an aspirin around noon.

**Linda **(to Shawn) I'm showing houses to the family from California today but I'll be in the area. My office'll know where I am, if you need me.

**Ric: **I'll check it with you, too.

**Shawn: **It's nice to know I have such loving, caring parents. You're both very special people.

Firefly: Ok cut.

Hunter: That was interesting.

Firefly: And this was just the beginning. We have a lot more to go.

Hunter: Sounds like fun.

_Ok if you all liked it please review. I already have the next story that I am going to do after this one. I will tell you a little later though. R/R. Bye._


	3. Chapter 3

_Sorry for the long wait. Had a job and then quit. Don't ask. I got a new job though so this is going to get done as fast as possible._

Firefly: Is everyone here?

Steve: I think so.

Firefly: Ok, just so nobody makes any smartass remarks. It this play Shawn will be talking to the camera.

Hunter: Ok. You didn't have to say anything.

Firefly: Yes, I did. I don't trust you.

Hunter : I'm hurt.

Firefly: Get over it.

**Shawn **

He acknowledges Ric with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids.

**BEDROOM. **

**Linda**(She strokes Shawns' hair.):I hope you feel better, pumpkin.

She leans down and kisses his forehead. Ric pats his shoulder.

**Ric: **Get some rest.

Shawn lets out a wheeze. His glassy eyes follow his parents to the door.

**Linda (OC): **We love you, sweetie.

**Ric (OC): **Call if you need us.

Hunter: What kid in their right mind would call?

Firefly: They think he is really sick. They have to say that.

Hunter: If hes that sick, he may not be able to get out of bed.

They close the door. The lock clicks. Shawns' eyes shift from the door to CAMERA. A sly, little smile crawls across his lips.

**Shawn: **They bought it.

The MTV theme music ROARS IN.

**TV SCREEN **

The TV at the foot of Shawns' bed. The MTV logo is playing.

**BEDROOM **

Shawn yanks open the drapes. The pall of the sickroom disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight.

**Shawn: **Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. (looks out the window) What a beautiful day!

He turns from the window.

**Shawn: **Parents always fall for the clammy hands. It's physical evidence of illness. It's a good, non-specific symptom. Parents are generally pretty hip to the fever scams. And to make them work you have to go a hundred and one, hundred and two. You get a nervous mother and you end up in a doctor's office and that's worse than school.

He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV broadcast. A NEW SONG begins.

**Shawn: **Fake a stomach cramp and when you're doubled over, moaning and wailing, just lick your palms. It's a little stupid and childish but then so if high school. Right?

He equalizes the sound a little.

Hunter: That is Shawn in a nutshell.

Firefly: You just can't help yourself, can you?

Hunter: Nope.

**Shawn: **This is my ninth sick day with semester. If I go for ten, I'm probably going to have to barf up a lung. So, I absolutely must make this one count.

He exits into the hallway.

**BATHROOM **

Shawn walks into the bathroom. It's littered with Mickie's debris. He turns on the shower water.

**Shawn: **I don't care if you're fifty five or seven, everybody needs a day off now and then. It's a beautiful day. How can I be expected to handle high school?

He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. He pops up.

Firefly: Don't say a word.

Hunter: Wasn't going to.

Firefly: Yeah right.

**Shawn: **I do actually have a test. That wasn't bullshit.

He steps into the shower. Through the pebbled glass of the shower door we see Shawns' outline.

**Shawn: **That I care about it was.

**BATHROOM. SHOWER STALL. **

Inside the shower. Shawns' hair is standing straight up. It's moulded into a fin with shampoo.

**Shawn: **It's on European socialism. I mean, really. What's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan to be European. So, who gives a shit if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists and it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car.

He turns the shower head around and uses it like a microphone.

Shawn: Do I have to sing?

Firefly: Yes.

**Shawn**(sings): **WELL SHAKE IT UP, BABY, TWIST AND SHOUT... **

**HALLWAY. LATER **

Shawn comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He's drying his hair with another of a different color.

**Shawn: **Not that I condone fascism. Or and "isms". "Isms", in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an "ism". He should believe in himself. John Lennon said it on his first solo album. "I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me." A good point there. Afterall, he was the Walrus.

He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it.

**Shawn: **I could be the Walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off people.

He passes CAMERA and goes into his room.

**Shawn (OC): **I'm not very political? Let me put that into perspective...

Firefly: Ok cut.

Hunter: That wasn't so bad.

Firefly: Goodbye.

_Hope you all like. R/R. _


	4. Chapter 4

_Just trying to get this done. The Next one after this is Grease. They get to sing. Yay._

Firefly: Here we go again.

Hunter: Your having fun and you know it.

Firefly: Just get on with it.

**BEDROOM **

Shawn tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed.

**Shawn: **My uncle went to Canada to protest the war, right? On the Fourth of July he was down with my aunt and he got drunk and told my Dad he felt guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam. So I said, "What's the deal, Uncle Jeff? In wartime you want to be a pacifist and in peacetime you want to be a soldier. It took you twenty years to find out you don't believe in anything?" (snaps his fingers) Grounded. Just like that. Two weeks. (pause) Be careful when you deal with old hippies. They can be real touchy.

Hunter: You would know, wouldn't you Shawn?

Shawn: I am not a hippie!

He opens his door.

**CLOSET **

The door opens and Shawn rifles through his shirts.

**Shawn: **My mother was a hippie. But she lost it. She got old. If she listens to the White Album now? She doesn't hear music, she hears memories. Nostalgia is her favorite drug. It'll probably be mine, too. I hope not.

He finds a shirt he likes. He steps back from the closet and puts it on. He drops the towel.

**BEDROOM **

He walks across the room to his dresser. He opens his underwear drawer. There's an old model of a submarine on the top of the dresser. He picks it up.

**Shawn: **In eighth grade a friend of mine made a bong out of one of these. The smoke tasted like glue.

He pulls out a pair of underwear. He gets dressed as he speaks.

**Shawn: **His name is CM Punk. He's a serious outsider. Not a bad guy, I like him. I'm probably his only friend. I do what I can for him. I mean, if I was him, I'd appreciate it. Do unto others, right? Anyway, his mother owns a gas station. His father's dead and his sister's rumored to be a prostitute, which is complete bullshit. She only puts out so people will hang out with her. It's sad but I don't hold it against her. Better to hold it against the guys who use her and don't care about her. (pause) My parents never allowed Punk over here. It was because of his family. Mainly his older brother. He's in jail. I could see them not wanting his brother here because he is a registered psycho. I wouldn't want him here. I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of artificial fruit just so he could see what it was like to have his stomach pumped. But Punk isn't his brother. It isn't his fault that his brother's screwed-up. Alot of fights with the parents on that point. I always felt for Punk. I was sleeping at his house once and I was laying on the dark worrying that his brother was going to come in and hack me to death with an ax and I heard Punk crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said, "Nothing". ... Nothing was wrong. There was no specific thing he was crying about. In fact, he wasn't really even aware that he was crying. He just cried himself to sleep every night. It was a habit. The guy's so conditioned to grief that if he doesn't feel it, he can't sleep. How could you possibly dump on guy who has to deal with that kinda shit? My parents acknowledge the trudge of the situation and I'm sure that deep down, they do feel for him but still the guy's banned from our house.

He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet door. He doesn't like what he's wearing. He continues his speech as he disrobes.

**Shawn: **Unfortunately, now my parents have a legit argument. Punk doesn't need his brother to give him a rep anymore. He's getting one on his own. He's lost. It's over for him. He's eighteen. Gone from school. Gone from life. His legacy is a gas station.

**HOUSE. STAIRCASE **

Shawn comes down the stairs. He's wearing a completely different outfit.

Hunter: Shawn, don't be a girl.

Shawn: Hunter, Shut-up.

**Shawn: **One very serious danger is playing sick is that it's possible to believe your own act.

**KITCHEN **

Shawn comes into the kitchen and crosses to the refrigerator.

**Shawn: **That and boredom. Alot of people ditch and feel great for about an hour. Then they realize there's nothing to do. TV and food. I myself have ditched and gotten so bored I did homework. Figure that shit out.

He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice.

**Shawn: **You have to plan things out before you take the day off. Otherwise you get all nervous worrying about what to do and all you get is grief and the whole point is to take it easy, cut loose and enjoy.

He crosses to the pantry.

**Shawn: **You blow your day and at about three o'clock, when everybody's out of school, you're going to wish you'd gone to school so you could be out having fun.

He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos.

**Shawn: **Avoid the misery. Plan your day. Do it right.

**FAMILY ROOM **

Shawn walks in and flops down in an armchair.

**Shawn: **There's alot of pressure at work in my age group. And it's not always recognized.

He reaches over and picks up the telephone. He sets it in his lap.

**Shawn: **Some guy whose hair is falling out and his stomach's hanging over his belt and everything he eats makes him fart, he looks at someone like me and thinks, "This kid's young and strong and has a full, rich future ahead of him, what's he got to bitch about?"

**PHONE **

He punches out a number.

**FAMILY ROOM. **

He remote controls the TV on.

**Shawn: **That's just one reason why I need a day off every now and then.

**ANOTHER HOUSE **

A sleek, modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. A prime house in a prime location. A telephone rings OVER.

**BOY'S BEDROOM **

It's a dark, dreary sick room. Shades drawn, floor strewn with used tissues, nightstand a still-life of over the counter remedies. A high school boy, RANDY ORTON, is laying in bed. We don't see his face, only a silhouette with a thermometer sticking out his mouth. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY is playing. He's mumbling random words.

**Randy: **Food...shelter...no...yes...

The phone rings. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker phone button.

**Randy: **(weak) Hello?

**Shawns' Voice: **Randy! What's happening?

**Randy: **Very little.

**Shawns' Voice: **How do you feel?

**Randy: **Shredded.

**Shawns' Voice: **Is your mother in the room?

Randy takes the thermometer out of his mouth.

**Randy: **She's not home. Where are you?

**Shawns' Voice: **Home.

**FAMILY ROOM. **

Shawn is sprawled out in the chair.

**Shawn: **I'm taking the day off. Get dressed and come over.

**Randy's Voice: **I can't. I'm sick.

**Shawn: **It's all in your head. Come on over.

**Randy's Room **

Randy's insistant.

**Randy: **I feel like complete shit, Shawn. I can't go anywhere.

**Shawns' Voice: **I'm sorry to hear that. Now, come on over and pick me up.

Shawn disconnects. Randy slowly hangs up the phone.

**Randy: **I'm dying.

The phone rings again. Randy hits the speaker button.

**Shawns' Voice: **You're not dying. You just can't think of anything good to do.

**FAMILY ROOM **

Shawn hangs up.

**Shawn: **If anybody needs a day off, it's Randy. He has alot of things to sort out before he graduates. He can't be wound this tight and go to college. His roommate'll kill him. I've come close myself. But I like him. He's a little easier to take when you know why he's like he is. The boy cannot relax. Pardon by French but Randy is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond. (after-thought) And Randy would worry that he'd owe taxes on it.

Firefly: Ok random time.

**SCHOOL. HALLWAY **

We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. A shoe's POV.

**TEACHER'S VOICE: **Rhodes?

**BOY'S VOICE: **Here.

**TEACHER'S VOICE: **Phoenix.

**GIRL'S VOICE: **Here.

CAMERA enters a classroom. It travels past a teacher's Hush Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow Reebocks, rotting Air Jordans, scuffed heels, pristine loafers...

**TEACHER'S VOICE: **Murdock?

**BOY'S VOICE: **Here.

**TEACHER'S VOICE: **Wilson?

**GIRL'S VOICE: **Here.

**TEACHER'S VOICE: **Michaels?

CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that it's empty.

**TEACHER'S VOICE: **Michaels?

**GIRL'S VOICE: **He's sick. (pause) My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw Shawn pass-out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.

**TEACHER'S VOICE: **(weary) Thank you, Cherry.

**GIRL'S VOICE: **(cheery) No problem whatsoever.

**TEACHER'S VOICE **Hass?

**BOY'S VOICE: **What?

**WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD. **

Hunter: Interesting. We done?

Firefly: Yeah. Goodbye.

_Like I said Grease will be next. It was a request by darjh619edge. R/R._


	5. Chapter 5

_Yeah I'm back. I also got a job. That might mean I won't be able to update more often but I will when I can._

_If you have a request of a movie you would like me to do let me know. I own Nothing!_

Firefly: Ok people once more with feeling.

**TV **

THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. The big chase at the end.

**FAMILY ROOM. Shawn**

He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war wagon. He's wearing a hockey mash. He's steering. He reaches down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve.

**TV **

Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve. He gives it a twist.

**Shawn **

He throws himself back against the chair.

**TV **

The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws Humongous back in his seat.

**Shawn **

He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high speed ride.

**TV **

The was wagon hurtles down the road.

**Shawn **

He rears back in horror.

**TV **

The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the tanker truck.

**Shawn **

Arms outstretched, head thrown back, braced for collision.

**TV IMPACT! MOZART COMES UP. **

Hunter: That was the oddest thing I have ever seen.

Firefly: I've seen odder.

**29 CU. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH 29 **

Outside a bedroom window. A flowering crabtree branch. Petite pink flowers. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE ROOM. It's Mickie's room. A pink and powder blue pig pen. Clothes everywhere, make-up, books, records. Shawn is sitting on her bed going through a purse.

**Shawn: **This is really degrading.

He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill.

**Shawn: **Financing my activities this way. Very damaging to the self-image. But, hey, I'm broke. In times of crisis one must to what one must to. I'll pay it back. With interest.

He comes up with a five.

**Shawn: **Regardless of how much shit sisters make you eat, how often they rat on you, how gross they act or how wicked and insensitive they can be, you should not alientate them. Because most likely they have cash and it's usually very easy to get your hands on.

He holds up a twenty and snaps it. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY" **COMES UP. **

**LIVING ROOM **

The song plays as Shawn digs through the sofa cushions.

**SOFA **

Shawn extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice.

**PARENTS' BEDROOM **

Shawn is going through his father's pants pockets. Another crumpled bill surfaces.

**WASHING MACHINE TOP **

A couple of stiff, hard, bleached singles that have gone through the wash lay on top of the washer. A hand scoops them up.

Hunter: You know, he is finding money in the oddest places.

Firefly: You like saying that word, don't you?

Hunter: What word?

Firefly: Odd.

Hunter: Yes.

**LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET **

An obvious gift from a grandparent. A U.S. Mint proof set. A ten, a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. A screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and pops them apart. A hand peels the bills off the backing.

**KITCHEN DRAWER **

Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. Locating a dollar bill.

**COIN COLLECTION **

The familiar blue collector's album. One-by-one, the quarters are being popped out of their slots.

**VACCUUM CLEANER **

The dusty, dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the floor. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth.

**SNOOPY BANK **

It's being shaken furiously.

**BIRTHDAY CARD **

It's a child's card. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp, new five.

**HALL CLOSET **

The door opens and Shawn thrusts his hands into the pockets of the coats. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. A roll of Tums. A squirt gun. Then a modest wad of bills. His face lights up as he counts out the cash. He closes the door.

**FLOOR AND BED **

Shawns' face appears between the bed and the floor. His arm reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed.

Firefly: I'm shocked.

Hunter: Why?

Firefly: Not that many interuptions.

Hunter: Your right. I'll do better next time.

_R/R bye._


	6. Chapter 6

_Here is the next chapter. Sorry it took so long._

**Chapter 6**

Firefly: Is everyone here?

Hunter: I think so.

Jeff: Yeah everyone is here.

Firefly: Good. Lets start.

**BANK **

It's on a work bench. An awl is driven in between the door and the jamb. It pries the door open. Inside are trading cards, a charred doll's head, a Zippo lighter and, finally, a five dollar bill.

**KITCHEN **

Shawn is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table.

**TABLE LEG **

Shawn lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used to balance the table.

**KITCHEN **

Shawn stands up and pockets the quarter.

**Shawns' BED **

A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. The **SONG ENDS. **

Hunter: You know he is still finding mney in the oddest places.

Firefly: Starting already?

Hunter: Yep.

**REAL ESTATE OFFICE. MORNING **

A suburban realty company. A cute little building in town.

**OFFICE **

Linda is behind a desk. Across from her are two WOMEN. They're also real estate agents.

**Linda: **No one's going to consider a house with a black living room. Not even those jerks from Vermont. Let's be realistic.

**Beth: **Mrs. Punk's dead set against putting any money into the house.

Linda's phone intercom buzzes. She take the call.

**Linda: **Linda Michaels.

Her eyes open wide with alarm.

**Linda: **Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I completely forgot to call.

**HIGH SCHOOL **

A modern, suburban high school.

**MAN'S VOICE: **Are you aware that your son is not in school today?

Hunter: How could she not know? That is a stupid question.

**SCHOOL. HALLWAY **

It's a passing period. The hall is clogged with students.

**Linda's Voice: **Yes, I am. Shawn is home sick. I had a meeting first thing this morning. I should have called. It completely slipped my mind.

**SCHOOL. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE **

A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. We hear the dean inside the office.

**DEAN'S VOICE: **Are you also aware that shawn does not have what we consider an exemplary attendance record?

**DEAN'S OFFICE. **

**DESK SIGN **

It reads, VINCE K MCMAHON. DEAD OF STUDENTS. The dean's feet are up on the desk, behind the sign. Moderately priced dress shoes.

**Linda'****S VOICE****:**I don't understand.

**DEAN'S VOICE****:**I just had his file up.

**OFFICE **

**DEAN **

Vince McMahon is sitting behind his desk. He's tough, clean and straight as an I-beam. Short, neatly combed hair, suit and tie. He's toying with a pencil. He's confident to the point of arrogance.

Hunter: This is a good role for him.

Firefly: Why is that?

Hunter: Thats how he always looks.

**Vince: **I just has his file up, Mrs. Michaels.

Behind him is a computer terminal. He removes his feet from the desk and turns in his swivel chair.

**Vince: **If Shawn thinks he coast this last month and still graduate, he's sorely mistaken.

**Linda'****S VOICE****:**This is all news to me.

**COMPUTER MONITOR **

The monitor on Vince's desk displays Shawns' records.

Hunter: Hey Shawn.

Shawn: What?

Hunter: Your in trouble.

**Vince'****S VOICE****:**So far this semester alone, he's been absent nine times. Including today.

**Linda'****S VOICE****:**Nine times?

Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a number 2.

**OFFICE **

Vince turns to the monitor. He reads off the screen.

**Vince: **I have it right here in front of me. He's missed...

He looks closer at the screen.

**Shawns' ****ROOM **

Shawn is at his Macintosh computer. He has his record up on the screen.

**Shawn: **I wanted a car. I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?

**Linda'****S OFFICE **

She's still on the phone with Vince.

**Linda: **I can give you every assurance that Shawn is home and that he is, in fact, very ill. I debated whether or not I should even leave him. I can appreciate that at this time of year children are prone to taking the day off, but in Shawns'case, he's truly a very sick boy.

**Shawns' ****BEDROOM **

**MUSIC BLASTS. SOLO GUITAR. **

**SPEAKER **

The grille cloth is throbbing.

**LED METERS **

The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone.

**TV MONITOR **

We see Shawn in his room with a guitar around his neck. He's playing.

**VIDEO CAMERA **

A home video camera is capturing Shawn on tape.

Firefly: Ok that is that.

Hunter: That was also odd.

Firefly: What is with you and the word odd?

Hunter: I like it.

_Next chapter will be up soon. R/R. _

_P.S. I own nothing._


	7. Chapter 7

_Sorry for the long wait. I never moved out with my boyfriend like I was going to. Now we are no longer together. My computer crashed and I lost my job. Well I now have a new computer and a new job. So I will try to update more. Well here is the next chapter._

Chapter 7

Firefly: How about we get right to it?

Hunter: That sounds good.

**Randy****'S ROOM **

He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. He sighs deeply and fall back on the bed. 

**SCHOOL. HALLWAY **

Mickie is at her locker during a passing period. A GIRLFRIEND comes up to her.

**Candice: **I'm really sorry about your brother.

**Mickie: **What're you sorry for? I have to live with the trouser snake.

**Candice: **No, I mean I heard he's really sick.

**Mickie: **Who said he's sick.

**Candice: **A whole bunch of people. They said he's like on the verge of death.

Mickie stares incredulously at the girl.

**Candice: **This guy in my biology class said that if Ferris dies he's giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's really sweet isn't he?

She smiles and exits. Mickie cocks her head in bewilderment. She kicks her locker shut.

**Shawn's ROOM **

He's in bed on the phone.

**Shawn: **A sample of my blood was sent to Atlanta to the Center for Disease Control. I don't know, man, I'm bricking heavily. (point to the phone) Freshman. (to the phone) Did you see Alien? When the guy had the creature in his stomach? It feels like that.

**SCHOOL. HALLWAY **

A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. A couple of his BUDDIES are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news.

**Todd: **Goddamn! Are you kidding?

**Coach: **What?

**Todd: **Did you see Alien?

**Coach: **No.

**Todd: **You never rented the video cassette?

Coach shakes his head, no.

**Todd: **Oh. He's really wasted.

**Cody: **(to the Coach) Who's he talking to?

**Coach: **Shawn Michaels. You know him?

**Cody: **(excited) Yeah. He's getting me out of summer school.

**Todd: **Anyway, I appreciate you letting us know how you're doing. We gotta split. (pause) Huh?...Yeah, sure. Hold on.

**Coach: **(to Cody) Shit. I hope he doesn't die. I can't handle summer school.

The boy snatches a passing GIRL.

**Todd: **Did you see Alien?

**Maria: **Yeah, why?

He hands her the phone.

**Maria: **Hello? (pause) Who? (pause) Hi, Shawn. How's your bod? (jaw drops) Oh, my God! You're dying? Is it serious? (pause) Shiit! Are you upset?

Hunter: I feel like some thing should be said about all this but I don't know what.

Firefly: I was wondering how long we could go with no interuptions.

Hunter: Sorry but they are all idiots if they believe that.

**DEAN'S OFFICE **

Vince is comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. His SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder.

**Vince: **I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him!

**Victoria: **With your bad knee, you better not throw anybody, Vince.

Vince stares at her for a long beat.

**Vince: **What's so dangerous about a character like Shawn Michaels is that he gives the good kids bad ideas. The last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Shawn Michaels disciples running around these halls.

**Victoria: **He's very popular, Vince. Sportos, motorheads, geeks, sluts, pinheads, dweebies, wonkers, richies, they all adore him.

**Vince: **That's exactly why I have to catch him this time. To show these kids that the example he sets is a first class ticket to nowhere.

**Victoria: **(impressed) Ooo. You sounded like Dirty Harry just now.

Vince looks up at her with a proud smile.

**Vince: **Really?

He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint.

Hunter: That is an insult to Clint Eastwood.

Firefly: Just can't help yourself can you?

Hunter: Nope.

**Shawn's HOUSE **

It's a glorious late spring day. A florist's truck drives past the house.

**Shawn's ROOM **

He's on the telephone. As he speaks he does a little MacPainting on his MacIntosh. A Modigliani nude.

**Shawn: **Randy, if you're not over here in fifteen minutes, you can find a new best friend. I'm serious, man. This is bullshit, making me wait around the house for you.

**Randy's BEDROOM **

Randy's back in bed.

**Randy: **I'm sick. I feel like shit. Why can't you leave me alone?

**Shawn's VOICE: **You're not up for some good times? It's a beautiful day. It's almost summer. If this was Hawaii, we'd be surfing.

**Shawn's ROOM **

He's growing weary of Randy's wimpishness.

**Shawn: **You want to stay home and try to have the shits? Try to barf? Try to feel worse?

**Randy'sVOICE: **I don't have to try.

**Shawn: **Be a man. Take some Pepto Bismol and get dressed. You're boring me with this stuff.

The other phone line rings.

**Shawn: **Squeeze you buns for a second. I got another call.

He puts Randy on hold. He clears his throat and answers the second line. He sounds like he's on his last breath.

**Shawn: **H--hell-o?

**OFFICE BUILDING. DOWNTOWN **

A LaSalle Street office tower.

**Ric's VOICE: **Shawn?

**Ric's OFFICE **

He's behind his desk. Nice office. Two windows. Herman Miller desk and chair.

**Ric: **You sound miserable.

**Shawns' VOICE: **Really? Darn! I thought I was improving.

**Ric: **Were you sleeping?

**Shawns' VOICE: **I was trying to do some homework.

Hunter: Don't lie Shawn.

Firefly: That is it for the day.

At that everyone leaves.

_So there it is. R/R._


	8. Chapter 8

_Ok I don't own and i write this as i watch summerslam._

**Chapter 8**

Firefly: Ok, where is Shawn and Lita?

Hunter: I think they are getting ready.

The two of them came through the door laughing about something.

Firefly: There you are. We have to get started now.

Shawn: Ok, we're ready.

****************************************************************************************

**COMPUTER MONITOR **

A closer view of the rude drawing Shawn is making.

**Shawn (OC): **I'm so worried about falling behind.

******************************************

Hunter: Again Shawn don't lie.

Firefly: Not even that far into it and you start.

Jeff: It's getting easier.

*************************************************

**Shawns' ROOM **

He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke.

**Shawn: **Dad? Can you hold on a second?

**Ric'S VOICE: **Sure, pal. Are you alright?

**Shawn: **Just a little phlegm on the phone. Hold on.

He puts his father on hold.

**Shawn: **Randy? It's my Dad.

**Randy'S VOICE: **Oh, that's just great. Are you busted?

**Shawn: **It's completely cool. He's just checking up on me. Now, listen to me. I'm working on getting some heavy bucks out of him. So, the least you can do is hurry up and get over here. Bye.

He disconnects and gets his father back. He switches back to his sick voice.

**Shawn: **Sorry, Dad. The moment before you called, I had a chest spasm and I blew lung fluid all over the place. It was making me ill looking at it. But gee, it's sure great of you to call. I'm sure there're alot of fathers who wouldn't take time out from their busy schedules to call a dumb, sick teenager.

**Ric'S VOICE: **Hey, pal, what was I supposed to do?

Shawn reaches out and hits a key on his computer. The screen dumps the drawing.

**Shawn: **Give yourself some credit, Dad. It was a mammoth gesture. It's like those savings bonds you used to give me every Christmas. (looks at CAMERA and smiles) It was that kind of concern.

**COMPUTER SCREEN **

A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA".

*********************************************************************

Hunter: Know what the funny thing is?

Firefly: What?

Hunter: Shawn doesn't know how to use a computer.

Shawn: Yes I do.

Hunter: Not to that extent.

*********************************************************************

**Shawns' ROOM **

He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the desk. He lights a cigarette.

**Shawn: **You had to work hard for the money to buy those things, right?

**Ric'S VOICE: **Not any harder than anybody else.

Shawn mouths Ric's words as he says them.

**CHICAGO LOOP. DIAMONDVISION SCREEN **

Shawns' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard. Pedestrians stop to look.

**FERRIS' ROOM **

He blows a smoke ring.

**Shawn: **You work so hard I'll bet you don't even remember where those bonds are, right?

Shawn points a finger in the air as a cue to his father.

**Ric'S VOICE: **Wrong.

He nods.

**Shawn: **Oh, yeah? You're pulling my leg. You're just trying to cheer me up.

**Ric'S VOICE: **Like hell I am. They're in a shoebox in my closet.

Shawn smiles. He looks at CAMERA. He's gotten exactly what he wants.

**Shawn: **(to CAMERA, normal voice) Was that a class move or what? The guy gave it up faster than a drunk Catholic girl. I hope my kids don't pull this shit on me. (thinks) Of course, if they didn't, they'd be dumb and abnormal and they'd probably never move out of my house and I'd have to support them until I die. I take it back. (to the phone, sick voice) Dad? All this talking has made me kind of light-headed. I think I better lie down.

**Ric'S VOICE: **Okay, pal. You take care. I'll call you after lunch.

**Shawn: **You don't have to, Dad.

**Ric'S VOICE: **I want to. Bye now.

He hangs up. Shawn sighs.

***********************************************************

Hunter: Nice try Shawn.

Firefly: Please stop interupting.

Hunter: I don't do it often.

Firefly: I know.

************************************************************

**Shawn: **You win some, you lose some.

He turns his desk chair around and gets up.

**Shawn: **I'm so disappointed in Randy. Twenty bucks says he's sitting in his car debating about whether or not he should go out.

**CAR. Randy **

He's sitting behind the wheel of his car.

**Randy: **We're gonna get caught. No doubt about it.

He cuts the engine.

**Randy: **I'm not doing it.

He sits for half a beat.

**Randy: **He'll keep calling until I come over.

He sighs and restarts the engine. Another beat.

**Randy: **Actually, what'll happen is I'll get caught. Shawn'll escape.

Another beat. He stops the engine.

A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC.

**DRESSER DRAWER **

Hands curl around the drawer pulls. The drawer is opened slowly, ominously. The hands lift a sweater out. A HERALDIC STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater.

**Shawns' ROOM **

He takes out the magazine. He leafs through the pages for the pictorials as he speaks.

**Shawn: **Randy'll go on like that for a good thirty minutes. The guy is a shellfish when it comes to making a decision. The reason he doesn't fell good is, he worries about everything. He's the only guy I know who's deeply concerned that when he grows up there'll be a critical shortage of strategic metals.

He exits the room.

**HALLWAY **

Shawn comes out of his room and heads down the hallway.

**Shawn: **Randy's also the only guy I know who knows what strategic metals are. (waves the magazine) Pardon moi.

He goes into the bathroom. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM **DOWN. **

**Shawn: **(sings) **MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER, SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED... **

**********************************************************************

Hunter: Is this nearly done?

Firefly: Almost.

*******************************************************************

**CLASSROOM. LATER **

A stunningly beautiful girl, LITA, is sitting at her desk in a history class. She's staring out the window as a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry, dusty lecture.

*********************************************************************

Firefly: King you're the teacher.

King: Alright.

***********************************************************************

**King: **Roosevelt's health had seriously deteriorated by the time he met with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta. (sneezes) Pardon me.

The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. For a moment, the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard him sneeze. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear.

**Lita **She, like the others, watches the nurse curiously.

**CLASSROOM. TEACHER AND NURSE **

The King's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece of disturbing news. He nods grimly to the Nurse. She looks at the kids.

**Trish: **Lita?

**Lita **Sits up in her seat.

**Trish **She's a picture of compassion and understanding.

**Trish: **May I see you outside for a moment? There's been an emergency.

**Lita **A smile curls across her lips. As she gathers her books she looks to the GIRL next to her.

**Lita **(whispers): Dead grandmother.

**HALLWAY **

Trish is gently holding Lita's hand.

**Trish **(nods solemnly): Dead grandmother.

**Vince**

He has a suspicious look on his face.

**Vince: **Dead grandmother?

**DEAN'S OFFICE **

Vince's at his desk. His secretary is standing across from him.

**Victoria: **That's what Mr. Dumas said. I had Trish Stratus notify Lita.

**Vince: **Who's this girl's going with?

**Victoria: **It's so hard to tell. I see her alot with Shawn Michaels.

Vince smiles. His suspicions are confirmed.

**Vince: **Could you get me Mr. Dumas's daytime number?

As the secretary starts out of the room, Vince's phone rings. She stops and answers the desk phone.

**Victoria: **Vince McMahon's office. (pause) Yes. Can you hold? Thank you.

She puts the call on hold.

**Victoria: **It's Mr. Dumas.

Vince is startled. He thinks for a beat then reaches for the phone.

**Victoria: **Do you still want his number?

Vince answers her with an annoyed look. She smiles and backs out. He punches the phone button.

**Vince: **Vince McMahon.

**MAN'S VOICE: **Vince? This is George Dumas. (A/N: Since I don't know her dad's name I am keeping it that way.)

**Vince: **How are you today, sir?

**MAN'S VOICE: **We've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard.

Vince rolls his eyes. It's so obvious it's not Mr. Dumas.

**Vince: **I heard. And, gosh, I'm all broken up. Huh? Oh, sure. I'd be happy to release Lita. You produce a corpse and I'll release Lita. I want to see this dead grandmother firsthand.

*******************************************************************

Hunter: Vince, don't be an ass.

Steve: He can't help that. He has always been one.

Hunter: True.

********************************************************************

Victoria stops cold in the doorway. She turns to Vince in horror. He covers the phone.

**Vince: **(whispers) It's Shawn Michaels. Nervy litttle punk. I'm gonna set a trap and let his walk right into it! (to phone) That's right. Cart the stiff in and I'll turn over your daughter. It's school policy. Was this your mother?

Vince's other line rings.

*********************************************************************

Firefly: Ok, thats it.

Hunter: Can we leave now?

Firefly: Yeah.

They all do so.

_Ok I started this on sunday and I finnish it now. Slow I know but I got distracted during summerslam. DX KICK ASS!!!!! Ok R/R._


End file.
